Things you should never do!
by Imagine-unique-name-here
Summary: Surefire ways to anger the characters of Harry Potter. Not the best summary but first story.
1. Harry

_Disclaimer: I own nothing that is recognized. Characters belong to J.k. Rowling and I'm just borrowing them to relieve some boredom. Idea for the story came from another that was done in list format. I don't believe any of mine were copied from theirs but as its still in progress it may end up appearing as such unintentionally, in which case, please kindly point this out so I can correct it. Thank you._

Things you should never do!

Proclaim Halloween 'Harry Potter Day'

(Timeline: 4th year after his name came out of the Goblet)

"Harry, you may want to read this," Hermione fearfully said.

"What's this?" was muttered as he was handed the Daily Prophet.

"Just read."

One minute later, "What the bloody hell is Harry Potter Day and why are they proclaiming it 13 years later?" was the only thing heard in the Great Hall. Followed by awkward silence and bafflement caused by Hermione not correcting Harry's language.

Tell Harry he obviously has pent up tension and should seriously work it out in a more productive manner.

(Timeline: 6th year)

"Hey mate, I know you've got serious angst going on right now being 16, orphaned, losing the closest thing to a parent (although you only knew him 2 years) and the extra lessons with Dumbledore but don't you think this obsession with Draco is going a little too far? If I didn't know better, I would suggest you just go snog him and be done with it." Ron stupidly said in a full common room and then promptly cowered from the glare that both Harry and Hermione were shooting his way.

Tell Harry that the blood wards were useless after 4th year but that it was for the Greater Good.

(Timeline: after the final battle and the conversation in the Head's office)

"Headmaster, you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, Harry, my boy, come in."

"Can a portrait actually invite someone in?" Harry asked in a moment of confusion.

"Never mind that, my boy. The reason I asked to speak with you is not exactly a pleasant one. I am afraid I have one last secret for you. The blood wards on your family's house, well they didn't quite work." Dumbledore started with but was quickly interrupted.

"What do you mean, they didn't work?" Harry asked tersely.

"Well, Harry, you see after 4th year, the wards were rendered useless."

"How?" Harry interrupted again.

"The ritual Voldemort used to gain a body called for blood," Dumbledore stated.

"Yes, I already knew that, get to the point." Harry was losing his patience.

"Your blood flowed through his veins, allowing him to touch you, thus making the blood wards pointless." Dumbledore was finally able to finish.

"You mean to tell me that I spent 3 summers there that was not needed and if Voldemort was as brilliant as he thought he was, he could have gotten to me sooner?" Harry asked quietly.

"Well, yes, I suppose that's true," Dumbledore tried to say but once again was interrupted.

"Why?" was all that was said.

"It was for the greater good," was as far as Dumbledore got before an explosion occurred.

"The greater good? How the bloody hell was it for the greater good that I was denied my Godfather, who may have lived, that George lost an ear, or that Mad-Eye and Hedwig were killed? All of which would have been avoided had I not been at the Dursley's."

"Be glad you're already dead, old man." Harry stated.

Dumbledore blinked his eyes stupidly before asking why this was.

"Because, if you weren't already dead, I would kill you." Was Harry's last statement before he left the office.

_A.N. I imagine there are many mistakes in this story; grammar is not a strong point of mine at all, which is why this is my first story. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this, I had an idea to do a bit for a few of the characters but unsure if I like the way this turned out. Oh well, read and review if ya want, if not no hard feelings._


	2. Hermione

_Disclaimer: I own nothing that is recognized. Characters belong to J.k. Rowling and I'm just borrowing them to relieve some boredom. Idea for the story came from another that was done in list format. I don't believe any of mine were copied from theirs but as its still in progress it may end up appearing as such unintentionally, in which case, please kindly point this out so I can correct it. Thank you._

_An: Obviously, not a new chapter. Just revised and added a bit to this one. Got a bit inspired I guess. Warning: Minor Weasley Bashing with HP/HG, you have been warned. Enjoy!_

**Tell Hermione that there is a strict limit to essays and extra length will be marked against you. No Exceptions!**

(Timeline: First year after Hermione's been told she got 112%)

All was peaceful in the Gryffindor common room until the portrait slammed open and a bushy hair blur ran for the chairs near the fire. Harry and Ron were baffled until they realized it was the third member of their little group that was currently curling into a ball, sobbing, on one of the chairs by them.

Harry gulped before asking, "Hermione, is everything alright?"

"Oh, Harry, you would never believe it but I got a T on the latest charms' essay!" Hermione exclaimed, still sobbing.

Harry and Ron exchanged glances as if daring the other to ask the dreaded question. Ron lost, err, gathered his Gryffindor courage and glared one last time at Harry.

"What do you mean?"

"Professor Flitwick asked me to stay after class and explained to me a new rule of Hogwarts. If you go beyond the length of essay assigned, you get penalized. Apparently, my O essay was brought all the way down to a T by the new rule." Hermione told them as she started to calm down.

"But why was the new rule put in place?" Ron asked because, well, he's Ron.

This caused Hermione to get hysterical again as she replied embarrassed now, "Well, you see, the Professors all got together and voted that they were tired of reading my novel length essays. Thus the new rule was established as they do set a limit on the length to begin with."

Ron took one last look at Harry and then Hermione, stifled his laughter and ran out of common room before he was proof of just how many charms 1st year Hermione Granger knew.

**Tell Hermione that there is a limit of how many hours you are allowed in the Library…a day.**

(Timeline: 4th year; before the first task)

As Harry and Hermione were packing up their bags after Transfiguration, their planning session was interrupted by Professor McGonagall.

"Miss Granger, please stay after."

Hermione told Harry she would meet him for lunch and to go ahead.

"Yes, Professor?" was politely said.

"Miss Granger, Madame Pinch as recently noticed that you are exceeding the three hour a day allotment for the library." McGonagall replied while noting that Hermione looked completely baffled.

"As such I must revoke your library privileges for two days." She finished.

That shook Hermione out of her shock, well almost.

"But…Harry…Triwizard…training…classes," was mumbled with the last word ending in a whine.

"Miss Granger, I understand this is a hardship on you but rules must be followed. It is for the more studious students own good that this was created. Now I know you are worried about Harry but I am sure you have enough material to train with to last the two day suspension. You may go now."

**Tell Hermione that she is expected to give up her dreams and become Mrs. Ronald Weasley.**

(Time-line: After Final Battle before Epilogue)

All the funerals were done and Harry and Hermione were at the Burrow, trying to convince Ron to go with them to Australia.

"Ron, what do you mean you aren't going?" Harry asked baffled. "We told Hermione we were going to help her do this after all the help she has given us over the years."

"The thing is I don't think Hermione should go either."

"Wait, what, huh? Ronald, they're my parents. I should be the one to retrieve them."

"What I mean is you shouldn't get them at all. Not yet anyway."

"Why ever not, Ronald?" Hermione asked as her eyes narrowed into slits.

"You need to start your training with my mother of course."

"What training?"

"Well, Hermione dear, you now need to learn how to be a proper housewife since the war's over." Mrs. Weasley explained.

"Why would I need to know that? I'm going into Magical Law, I don't even plan to get married for another 10 years."

"That won't work at all. You and Ron are together now and you'll be married in a year. You won't have time for a career. Maybe in 30 years when all your children are grown."

"Mrs. Weasley, we aren't together," Hermione started.

"YOU KISSED ME!" Ron exclaimed not liking the direction of the conversation.

"I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE!" Hermione stated and then her voice softened as she continued, "I thought I was going to die and for once you thought of others before yourself. How could I not see in that moment if we had a chance?"

"YOU HORRID LITTLE GIRL! YOU AND RONALD ARE TOGETHER AND YOU WILL GET MARRIED AND GIVE ME MY SMART GRANDBABIES! If you behave yourself, we might retrieve your parents after your fourth child. Do you understand me?"

"Absolutely not, Mrs. Weasley." Her response was.

"Harry, you know where to find me if that is your choice." Hermione said as she walked out the door of the Burrow for the last time.

(19 years later)

"Where are they?" Ginny asked as she waited with her children, Molly Lily and Arthur James.

"They should show up soon," Her companion stated.

"I hope they do. It's been 19 years. Do you think he will approve?" Ginny asked nervously.

"Now, Gin of course he would. He still loves you and would be honor that his children share his parents' names." He responded.

"I sincerely hope you weren't talking about me, Ron, given the fact you didn't know I had children." Harry stated as he approached them with 5 children and a rather stunning brunette in tow.

"Care to explain to me why I should be honored that my psycho ex-girlfriend decided to name her kids as such?"

By now, everyone at the station had noticed that their savior, The-boy-who-lived-who-killed-you-know-who-who-became-man-who-disappeared, had returned. Everyone was watching the drama play out as no one knew what happened to make him disappear.

"Never mind that. Who are you with?" Ginny asked nervously.

"I am in a nice mood so I will introduce everyone. The oldest is James Anthony Potter and is 16; next we have Lily Helen Potter, 15, Remus Teddy Potter, 13, Sirius Neville Potter, 11. Then we have the oldest of the lot, Teddy Lupin, 19 and I'm sure you remember my wife, Hermione Jean Potter. Now, if you don't mind us we really need to get on board." Harry explained.

"What about us, Harry? I waited for you!" Ginny exclaimed.

"Yes, Ginny I see that." Harry stated as he eyed her children.

"Hermione, what is this? You told my mom all those things about wanting a career and and well you know." Ron stuttered.

"I married my Prince and kept with my dreams, dreams your mother tried to take away. Goodbye Ronald."

Ginny and Ron Weasley and their families watched as the Potters boarded the Hogwarts Express with more questions than they first had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_A.N. Wow, that was not what I was expecting, guess I got away for a bit there. Read and Review if you would please. I was delighted to see I had a review for the first chapter already and thus the second chapter came to be._


	3. Ron

_Disclaimer: I own nothing that is recognized. Characters belong to J.k. Rowling and I'm just borrowing them to relieve some boredom. Idea for the story came from another that was done in list format. I don't believe any of mine were copied from theirs but as its still in progress it may end up appearing as such unintentionally, in which case, please kindly point this out so I can correct it. Thank you._

_A.N: Slight HP/HG in this chapter._

Ron

**Tell Ron the Chuddley Cannons ranked #1 and then tell him it was a mistake.**

(Timeline: 4th year)

Morning post had just arrived with the Daily Prophet proclaiming Cannons finally rank #1 in the league.

"Seamus, can I see that?" Ron asked barely containing his excitement.

"Sure," was as far as he got before the paper was ripped out of his hand.

Ron quickly read the article before running out of the Great Hall, leaving behind a completely bemused Harry and Hermione.

(2 days later)

Harry and Hermione walked into the Common Room to see it completely transformed. Instead of the normal red and gold color scheme, everything was orange.

"What is this?" Hermione asked confused.

"I've decided to honor the Cannons for their ranking and celebrate with a party."

Hermione and Harry exchanged looks and Harry approached Ron, looking somber and confusing Ron.

"Uh, Ron, didn't you see the post this morning?" Harry asked carefully.

"No, been setting up this party."

"The prophet got it wrong. They ranked #1 for the worst team in the league, not best." Hermione cut in with no tact, for once.

"Wha…huh?" was the only thing heard from Ron as he turned around and dejectedly left the common room.

**Tell Ron the House Elves are forbidden from serving him full meals until he learns better table manners.**

(Timeline: Any really but we'll say 5th year)

Harry, Hermione and Ron walked into the Great Hall and over to their seats. As Harry and Hermione were discussing quietly D.A. plans, Ron noticed something odd in his usual seat.

"What is this?" he asked, holding up a saucer.

"It is a special plate that you put your teacup on," Hermione responded until Ron cut her off.

"I know that. I want to know where my normal plate is and why this was in its spot." Ron demanded.

"Hem, hem. I have the answer to that Mr. Weasley." Professor Umbridge said.

The three of them were so immersed in their conversation they never heard her approached. Ron quietly gulped before turning around and acknowledging her.

"Yes, Professor?"

"It has come to my attention that some students lack the etiquette that their status demands. Though your acquaintances leave much to be desired you are a pureblood and will act as one. Until further notice the house-elves are under strict orders to serve you a miniature version of each meal. This will continue until you've learned proper etiquette for meals. Do you understand?" Umbridge explained.

All Ron could do is dumbly nod his head. Satisfied, she left their table. Once Ron was in the clear, he stormed out of the Great Hall.

Hermione looked torn as she said, "I don't know if I should be pleased that Ron will finally learn how to eat like a human or angry because of whom the order came from."

Harry looked at the other Gryffindors implying the same before responding, "Just let it go, Hermione. We'll figure it out later," and then returned to his own meal.

**Imply that not all the times Harry and Hermione disappeared together were study related.**

(Timeline: 4th year)

Ron went into the common room looking for his two best friends when he saw Neville in their normal seats.

"Hey, Neville, have you seen Harry or Hermione anywhere?"

The common room suddenly went silent as everyone watched the drama about to unfold. Neville quickly and meekly shook his head before bolting up the stairs to his room.

Ron noticed how quiet it had become and asked the room in general, "does anyone know why Neville looked like he was afraid I would hit him?"

The twins decided that they would handle this as they didn't want to frighten the first years.

"It is like this," George started.

"We thought you would have noticed," Fred picked up.

"That your friends have been,"

"Disappearing a lot,"

"Lately and been acting funny about it,"

"Don't forget the important part," Fred added.

"They've being disappearing together." They finished.

Ron looked at them blankly, not quite comprehending the implications.

"And?" Ron finally asked.

"Well, this time, we overheard Hermione tell Harry that they should try a bathroom. She seemed to think it would be more private to do it in." George responded.

Just as Ron was understanding this, Harry and Hermione walked in, talking quietly to each other. Ron, finally catching on, stormed over to Harry before punching him in the face and then left the common room.

"Does anyone want to explain why my nose is bleeding?" Harry asked.

"It appears our little brother hit you," Fred started.

"Yes, I know that. Does anyone want to explain why?"

"We told him what you've been doing." Fred and George explained.

"I knew we should have invited him to join Hermione." Harry said.

"I know but I didn't think he was ready yet." Hermione responded.

Once again the common room went silent and the twins looked gob smacked.

"Why is everyone looking at me like I said I had just burnt down the library?" Hermione asked Harry.

"I think it's because nobody knew you were into that stuff." George said still completely baffled.

"Well, why not? I thought everyone knew how much I love doing it." Hermione stated looking just as confused.

Harry finally caught on to what was going on around him and timidly and quietly filled Hermione in.

"WHAT?" Hermione shouted loudly.

"We've just been training. Trying to prepare Harry for the competition. Now excuse me while I try to go oblivate myself." Hermione stated before rushing out the common room as well.

_A.N: I'm back. My dad is out of the hospital and back home so everything should be back on schedule._ _I will try to have another chapter up by tomorrow night but as I have homework to catch up on and family in town, I can't guarantee that. Read and review and thank you Kara and Gloria for the reviews and the thoughts._


	4. Dumbledore

_Disclaimer: I own nothing that is recognized. Characters belong to J.k. Rowling and I'm just borrowing them to relieve some boredom. Idea for the story came from another that was done in list format. I don't believe any of mine were copied from theirs but as its still in progress it may end up appearing as such unintentionally, in which case, please kindly point this out so I can correct it. Thank you._

_An: Sorry for the delay. Hopefully next chapter will be up by tomorrow night._

TYSND! Chapter 4

Albus Dumbledore

**Tell Dumbledore that if he cannot stop meddling with people's lives, he will lose his precious sweets.**

(Time-line: 4th year after 3rd task)

Sirius Black had just walked out of the Hospital Wing, when Professor Dumbledore turned to Professor Snape.

"_You know what I need you to do." Dumbledore stated with a significant look._

"_Yes I shall go at once." Snape responded emotionless.*_

But before he could leave our favorite Know-it-all interfered.

"You're sending him to the death eaters, are you not?" Hermione asked in a demanding way.

"Miss. Granger, I am afraid that is none of your business." Dumbledore responded kindly and yet sternly.

"Hermione, what the bloody hell are you doing?" Ron cut in.

"Hold on a minute, can I have anyone who is not Dumbledore, to please come over here?" Hermione requested.

Surprisingly enough, everyone who was in the Hospital Wing, did as she requested.

"I want everyone to think back to every incident that Dumbledore was involved in and what your opinion is on it." She said.

Everyone once again did as asked and clarity occurred on their faces.

Professor McGonagall took over the reins so to speak.

"That is enough, Albus."

"Whatever do you mean, Minerva?" He asked politely baffled.

"From now on, only if someone asks for either your input or what should they do, are you allowed to tell someone in your 'Grandfather" way. Do you understand me?" She asked sternly.

Dumbledore remained silent and Minerva was losing patience.

"If you interfere with another life, without their permission, I will take away your precious sweets. Do you understand me now?" She demanded.

"But, we need a spy!" He exclaimed.

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian _**Dumbledore! Unless he is volunteering to do it himself, stay out of it. His insane debt to you is paid in full. Now for the last time, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" Minerva exclaimed, patience long forgotten.**_

_"**Yes, M'am." He responded rather weakly as he walked out of there dejectedly. **_

**Tell him that the "Signature Wizards Effects"** author has not authorized use of the 'Twinkle Eye'.**

(Time-line: 1st year, first chapter)

_For a full minute the three of them stood and looked at the little bundle; Hagrid's shoulders shook, Professor McGonagall blinked furiously, and the twinkling light that usually shone from Dumbledore's eyes seemed to have gone out.***_

"Cut! Stop! Wait a minute please?" A mysterious voice belonging to an equally mysterious person cut in.

"And who are you and why are you interrupting?" Dumbledore politely inquired.

"I am the lawyer for the author of 'Signature Wizards Effects' and I am here to inquire if you have received prior authorization for use of Twinkle Eyes." She replied.

"I am unsure of what you are talking about M'am." Albus replied. "I have always had twinkling eyes."

"Well, yes, but that was then and this is now. We ask that you refrain from using the twinkle eye effect until such a time permission is given. The author is unreachable at the moment but you can still put in your request and it will be looked over eventually. You may now go back to what you were doing." With that the Lawyer disappeared.

Dumbledore's normally twinkling, "Hem Hem!" I mean totally normal eyes seemed to shine with tears at being told the twinkle eye was effectively no more.

_An: I had intended this be longer. I had three additional statements wrote out but could not work out the scenarios._

_*Paraphrased from Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire._

_**Wheezy1 wrote a story called Harry Potter and the Manipulator of Destiny and at one point she introduced Signature Wizards Effects. I am hoping she doesn't mind me borrowing it here, I was going to have her there by name giving Dumbledore the scolding but am unaware as to how to pm her for permission. If someone would clue me in for the future, I would greatly appreciate it. _

_***Direct Quote from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone Chapter 1_


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